Today was a success...somehow.

Really it wasn't but I mean, I did get off my butt and buy myself lunch. HAHA.

You know what I wonder? I WONDER why the heck everyone has such a problem with me trusting people. WHY?

For real. Just cause others choose not to, doesn't mean I don't. I have no problem giving people a chance. I would rather that than put up a wall and be like "Look, I know you might be really sweet, but our world is so shifty these days i've decided it would be best to not trust anyone. I'm so sorry." 

NOOOOO.

I will not.

For instance:

Tomorrow i'm going to be hanging out with my friend Casey and taking some model shots for him to help him out. Plus if I do this it gets my name out there. My dad is flipping out cause I evidently "don't use my brain". I mean look, i'm not gonna be tra-la-la-ing out into the woods with this guy in hopes that he might snatch me up and rape me then quite possibly kill me!? Why the heck would I do that? Why? I understand him being a dad and all he has to worry but for real, I know the guy. It's not some random person. Now granted, I have only met the guy twice, ok? But honestly he hasn't said anything yet that i'm like....O.O. AWAY. I'm not intending on driving back down til the next morning so I have a place to stay [with family], i'm getting paid for my gas money, we will be in public with OTHER PEOPLE. And most of you reading this [which I still wonder who all is cause I don't feel like i'm talking to anyone but pixels] are like, "Well he's your dad, he has a right" or "Girl, you stupid" or even better "You need to stop trusting so much, you'll get yourself killed". But for those of you who are actually thinking differently, why?

I seriously don't know what to think except that i'm being careful. I actually do take value in myself. 

I also am wondering...when is a good time to surrender to what you know is an endless battle?

Is it always worth fighting for til the end or is it a lost cause? 

So many stupid questions that I can't answer no matter how many off-the-wall solutions I try to come up with. It always comes down to the past. Like stuff I would have done to fix it in the past. And for real, it's not gonna work now, no way no how.

-SIGH-

Help? 

Sincerely,

Someone screwed with my brain so now I can't think...

<3