Sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares.

Sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfil it.

Life is a sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.

- Mother Teresa

So lately it's been hard. I was hoping this whole "sticking to my guns" thing would be easy, you know? It's one LESS thing to worry about. I'm not complaining...but i'm just saying it's difficult. It's knowing something isn't good for you but you still want it. I'm happy, really! But I guess I can't explain it well enough. I don't know if it's the fact that Spring Break is starting next week or not...woot? :D 

I got in a wreck yesterday...OH BOY. It wasn't a big wreck but it kinda looks like the right side of my car hit a concrete wall...yikes? My poor storm trooper!

:[

I don't know. I'm just having a day, you know? 

I will stick to my guns dang it. 

But...every girl wants to feel pretty and loved. I can't say I don't want that, that would be denying me. 

What really gets me past those thoughts is this. 

I know one day some really amazing guy is going to come along. He'll come unexpectedly, he'll be everything I ever wanted. He'll inspire me to be more than anything I ever imagined. He'll take me on the cheesiest dates and give me some crazy off-the-wall gifts just cause he wants to make me laugh. He'll be there when i'm sick or I just want to cry cause my crazy life is bringing me down; and hold me when that moment comes along. He'll be a perfect gentlemen. His imperfections will be what makes him perfect. He'll love me when i'm the most unattractive person in the world that day; but I won't be that to him. 

I don't know WHERE he is, but I know he's only miles (and that could mean any amount of miles) away. How cool is that? 

Cause see, I believe in fairy tales. I'll always believe in fairy tales. BECAUSE I believe every girl deserves a happily ever after.

♥

SO, I've taken an interest in studying dreams! I don't know where this whole inspiration came from, but I don't believe I just started liking it "just because". This book i'm reading called "You're Dreams and What They Mean" by Nerys Dee talks about everything from dreams through the ages to the dictionary of signs and symbols. 

An interesting quote among many, on pages 34-35, is one by Ellen S. Hooper.

"I slept and dreamed that life was beauty,

I woke and found that life was duty.

Was my dream, then, a shadowy lie?

Toil on sad heart, courageously,

And thou shalt find thy dream shall be,

A noonday and truth to thee."

I find dreams intriguing one reason is when we are awake and confused about a situation because we don't know what we want, our brain knows exactly what we want and tells us through different signs and symbols. Our dreams are our own personal jokers, full of riddles and rhymes that we wake up and most of the time forget instantly but it's exactly what we need to hear! Isn't that just incredible?

SO i'm determined to listen to my joker and take it's advice. I'm starting a dream journal and i'm gonna share it with you guys! I'll write down the date and time, dream, and symbols as well as their meanings. It will be amazing to 

see the results!

Ttfn

(Ta Ta for now) 

<3

BTW, my totally awesome photographic art with me as the subject!

I didn't really feel like painting or drawing...I was having one of those kind of days. SO I put together a makeshift studio, came up with an off the wall idea....and presto. It's Ke$ha and Black Swan inspired.
The whole idea of the shoot was hiding behind someone i'm not. I'm not a dark person....see? I don't know. Thought i'd try some different kind of art this time :]

Hehe make shift studio! :3

It's my choice, and I choose to be happy.

I woke this morning and said "I don't need any of you". I told myself I don't need the drama or the whining, the broken promises or half-hearted commitments. I'm done with the games and the boys. And I say boys because only "boys" play games. I am an independent woman with dreams and goals for my life, and I don't need anyone who will slow me down because they need the temporary fix for a broken heart. 

♥

Earlier today I wrote these words and every single one is true. I'm so done. I'm ready to make a final decision on this part of my life. I'm artist...and as such I CANNOT live with a constant depression. It shows in pictures, you see? 

I need happy.

Happy all around and not just because of one thing someone does but because I happy that i'm content with myself and how i'm living! I just want that for ONE MOMENT in my life. And I will find it. I will get that. I'm officially cutting out the one part of my life that always leads me to be depressed. 

It's like a little kid. You burn your hand...you hurt. You try again if you're stupid enough cause you thought the first time was a practical joke. 

Love goes like this. You love, you hurt, you try again. You never fail to see that's you're stupid to try again cause you thought it was a cruel joke the first time. 

We always wish don't we?

Eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles.

We've tried it all. 

Why don't we try making those wishes happen? You notice we wish for stuff that is totally out of our reach?

....then again maybe we should wish like that. 

I'm just saying from a personal point of view...i'm tired of being sad when a guy walks by and doesn't even look. Or you sit next to a cute guy for an hour in an office or at school and they don't even give you the light of day? You've dressed your best, you DID YOUR HAIR. You had to get up early to do that, you know? Plus you attempted the make up...and you're thinking "Come on, notice". 

I don't want to worry.
I don't want to worry about what some guy thinks of my outfit cause quite honestly, i'm in college. I will most likely be in athletic shorts, hat with a ponytail, a camp t-shirt, and flip-flops. I say...if a guy likes me, he will like me for me. JUST me. If they can't see me for a college girl on the track to success so I didn't have time to get dressed up to come to school, then well...they sure as heck don't deserve to see me at my best. 

So...to the boys:

Learn to treat a woman how they ought to be treated. 

Run with them, don't try to run their life.

Don't think of yourselves higher...it's cocky. We don't like cocky.

You're not cool, so don't try.

When a girl REALLY falls for you, why don't not have the decency to catch her!? 

Try, just once, to make things work.

Do what she likes, not what you could "make her like".

Know that we're giving you a chance with our hearts cause there is something about you we find trustworthy...we're not a game. 

So i've said all I have to say...not much really to follow up with :]

"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down."

-Author Unknown

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."  

-Anaïs Nin

Ohhh no. Blog?

I have fallen behind...dang New Years resolutions.

There has been a lot to happen but honestly I can't find myself to put it up in detail, I just can't. 

I feel like i've tried to control things that I can't, therefore I have been let down. For instance, relationships. 

I try to balance or even put up a boundary to how much I like or don't like any person. Something i've learned is that you absolutely CAN NOT control your feelings. 

Some of you may disagree but let me explain...

You can't control your feelings, but you most certain can control what you do with those feelings. 

I put myself in a lot of crap because I didn't know how to control certain feelings. I ran my mouth. I was hurt, so I took it out in anger. No one ever deserves that, you know? 

I like this "new me" and all but honestly I don't understand how I got from one point to the other in such a short amount of time. 

I don't think it's a bad thing actually, I just find it funny how when you put your mind to something how easy it is to do it. Like how I was determined to be honest, i've been very honest. And people respect me more for it...i'm not as quiet and passive as I use to be. I mean I still am in a way, just not ALL the time. But seriously, something i've realized is that it is not that hard to be truthful with someone. Really. 

Something else i've learned to value is friendship. Look at what you have before you write it off. There will be people to do that to you, just think about how it feels before you do the same stupid thing. It hurts doesn't it?

Yeah. I thought so too.

I had a friend from high school, best friend actually, who decided to do that. Ouch? But who needs haters. She got herself a boyfriend so it's not like she needs anyone else, right? Yeah. Just "deleting" people, doesn't make you anymore of a person. Jussss sayin' darlin'. 

But anywhooo.

I have a best friend, Laurel. I don't think there is anyone who has seen every side of me except her. I've cried, laughed, and yelled w/ or at this girl. I jam out in the car with her everyday to and from school to almost anything and everything on the radio. We bust the white girl moves and don't hold back! :P See, now that is a true friend. Never once have a questioned her. Yeah, I may be pissed at her sometimes but i've never once said "i'm done". Because you see when you have a friend like this, they hold the standard for everyone else. 

Peace

<3

Pushed.

Soooo i'm done with 30 day challenge thing if you couldn't tell.

You know what I can't stand? 

DRAMA.

Specifically drama based on the lying.

OH MY GOSH! Can't we just be honest for once?! 

Like honestly, what is so wrong with telling the truth? Someone please tell me? 

It's whatever. Dirt off my shoulder!

All I got to say is that i've said my piece to each of them and I don't take it back. I'm not gonna mention it on here cause I clearly have respect. 

That is ALL I have to say for the night.

<3

"So that's what you call it these days?"

I'm back! I know that's not much of an explanation but that's all that matters. 

I've lived and learned. I fell, picked myself back up, and kept going. Why? Because I believe LIFE GOES ON. We all make mistakes, and those mistakes help us learn. 

 So today was Valentines Day..."singles awareness"/"unnecessary abuse of singles"...whateverrrrr you'd like to call it. I'm sticking to Valentines Day. I had myself a hot Valentines date. I was IMPRESSED. I mean, for real! You think you know a person and all the sudden, they just shock you in the best way possible. Gotta love it! So, overall thought of my VERY FIRST Valentines Day with someone= everything I didn't expect [but in a good way]. Ahhh <3

PS: Laurel, you've still got to tell me about you know what. You're so sharing tomorrow, just saying. 

I can't say that right now i'm upset about anything in my life. I'm in school and really working hard, have some of the most supportive and honest friends ever, i'm finally independent, i'm doing what I love with my God given talent, and i'm happy. Like honestly, I know the whole "be careful when your back is turned" phrase is making it's appearance but I don't think it's nothing I can't handle if something happens you know?

This song btw has been stuck in my head!

That boy can sing and he's fine...woah.

Really, that's all. I would elaborate on my absence but honestly it's past. Nothing to harp on.

Night all

<3

" You may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. " 
- Bob Marley

Drawing can be boring...

I neverrrr thought that a picture would take SO DANG LONG! I have been working on this picture for 7 and a half hours every night this week and i'm not even half way done. But DANG it's gonna look ah-mazing, i'm just saying :]

So in my world at the moment, i'm so content and happy! I'm happy with myself, my school, and my friends. I feel like I have inspiration again! I'm drawing like I use to if not better, it's a nice feeling...especially since I haven't been able to think of any ideas in forever! I am going a bit crazy though...my camera is still sent away and i'm quite saddened. I miss it terribly. 

One more think then the 30 day whatnot. I just want to say thank you for those who haven't judged me. I know there will be people who will, but for those who don't you honestly hold a special place in my heart. I love you all.

30 Day Challenge

Day 19&20

Day 19 Q: Disrespecting your parents.

A: Just one thing about this: No matter how much you fuss and bitch at your parents for taking away your "freedom", the more you realize it's for your own good. Disrespecting them won't make them respect you anymore than they already do. The key is to give them a reason to trust and respect you, and you might just be surprised. Trust me. Been there and I know how it goes.

Day 20 Q: How important you think education is.

A: I believe that without education, there is no job. With diploma of some sort, the likelihood of you succeeding in life is slim to none. I take it seriously and try my hardest. It may be tough, yes, but I know that I am working towards a stepping stone for my life.

That's all!

Sorry for all the short blogs lately, it's just been busy!

<3

Make up blog tomorrow! I promise :] I got caught up doing my picture!

Likes: Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain; yours for the rescuing.

What is there really to say? I'm under attack from every angle and emotion. UGH. Like sometimes I wish I could make sense of it all...organize it? Know what to do? I'm hoping hanging out with Rachel will make things a lot better. That girl can normally make my day, her and Laurel have that ability. I know exactly how this feels physically...i've been in a crazy game of War Ball. You get hit you're out, and if you catch the ball they throw at you then you stay in.

"Today I will look back and smile. Because I know, what happened yesterday is my past. And it's past for a reason. And everything happens for a reason...no matter if we choose to believe it or not."

I have a song for the day, it really made everything a lot better actually. It's me to a point:

Rupert Holmes - Escape

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

I mean, i'd rather be sippin on a Pina Colada while tanning right now. This rain is wearing me OUT! Not that I don't mind it, it's just that dry and hot weather is better. Like I some people who are happy no matter what the weather, and I don't know how ferreal!

30 Day Challenge

Day 18

Q: Your beliefs.

A: I'm gonna do this in quotes:

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." 

"Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you." 

"There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain." 

"Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present, and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future." 

"I decided, very early on, just to accept life unconditionally; I never expected it to do anything special for me, yet I seemed to accomplish far more than I had ever hoped. Most of the time it just happened to me without my ever seeking it." 

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." 

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

"Friendship with ones self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."

"Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being. With freedom comes responsibility. For the person who is unwilling to grow up, the person who does not want to carry is own weight, this is a frightening prospect."

<3

High school....

God! No matter how old people get they'll always be in high school!

I'm JUST SAYING.

If you have a problem or have anything to say to me? Say it to my face, don't talk behind my back! Just grow up! Honestly it's not that hard, believe me...plenty of people do it every freakin day!

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all! That's pretty simple. It just requires you keep your mouth shut and thoughts to yourself!

If you can't do that, stay out of my freakin business! It wasn't your crap to talk about in the first place!

That's all.

<3

Fine line.

Ok, so the car ride on the way back from school was interesting! We talked about girls and emotions...and came to one conclusion! 

"Girls are like soundboards...the bass could be at the top and tremble all the way at the bottom...guys are just like a volume button. They can either get more happy or more sad. The way girls work is: we could be totally happy [smiles and all] but secretly pissed off at something. Guys find us girls confusing cause they don't see how this strange phenomenon could happen, because they themselves only can handle one emotion at a time." 

It took a while, but we got it! How true is this though? Honestly, how true? 

I love the car rides to and from school...I believe we should have a little scribe man in my back seat taking notes. It would make for a great book!

ONLY HAPPENS IN BARNESVILLE: 

-Tractor going about 60mph in front of me! Hilarious!

-The only sheriff in town is a professor at the college.

-The train actually moves forward...stops...backwards...stops...forward...stops...forward on!

Something funny my friend Jared just put on Facebook: 

Without God our week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, Shatterday. Seven days without God makes one weak.

Btw, I want to send a special request out there for my friend Will. I don't know what all he's going through, but when some asks for prayer it's usually much needed. I'm sure he would appreciate it a lot.

So tonight I went and got to meet my friend Kenny, Trent, and Corine at Starbucks to hang out :] I found out...Kenny was a "drag" in the Relay for Life and Corine was someone I met like 3 years ago! Kenny and Corine date! Funny how small this world is? I found out about one person who has a bad rep but didn't seem like they did! I mean, talk about cover up. I found out i'm not the only one who knows about the gossip spider web! See...it goes like this. It goes from point A to point B in .2 seconds. Never ever ever underestimate the people, they are more connected than you think! Don't trust, cause it's like high school...except bigger. 

30 Day Challenge

Day 17

Q: Your highs and lows of this past year.

Highs:

-Turned 18.

-Gained more freedom from my parents.

-Gained more friends.

-Started college.

-Fell in love.

-Found an avenue of relief...aka this blog.

-Found out who my true friends were.

-Found out what I stood for.

Lows:

-Had to reach a lot of tough bumps to find myself.

-Lost love.

-Lost some friends.

-Lost trust in people.

Adios

<3

What makes me, well me.

So...want to know about me?

I love 2% milk, sunflower seeds, and chocolate. I love to cry, laugh, sing, write, draw, and spin in circles. I dance in the rain, I play in the rain. I wear the what I feel. My favorite color is yellow and orange. I love dressing up on days i'm stuck in the house. I love hibernating when it snows, and swimming all the time when it's hot. I like to host parties for the most RANDOM things. I believe in free will and free choice. I believe that God saved me. I believe in the good times and bad, and that character is determined by how you handle those times. I love art...and taking lots of pictures. I believe in not working for anyone, I believe in starting my own business. I love Greek cause it makes me realize the drama in my life could be 10x worse. I'm a faithful girlfriend to someone who deserves it. My family is my all, they are my support system. I believe in angels, my dog has got to be one of them...she's like my guardian angel. She knows when i'm upset and when i'm happy. I believe in coffee, that it is the most amazing thing created. I don't believe people should charge $5 or $6 for one though...just go to Kroger and buy the packets to go that you add in hot water. Just as good. I eat like fatty, and i'm seriously okay with that! Proud toothpick. I love to get flowers and chocolate, sweet text messages, and random phone calls. I hate liars, back-stabbers, and two-faced people. If i'm gonna be honest with you, please have the respect to be honest with me cause I won't feed you crap like most. Pissed? you'll know it. Happy? you'll know it. I'm an open book who trusts too much. But you know, that's okay. I don't put my walls up when I first meet anyone...it only makes you look like a bitch. Just saying. I love Facebook and blogging, I used to love Myspace then it tried to be something it wasn't. I always ALWAYS answer my phone and texts, if I don't you know something is wrong. Any music I play will portray how I feel...it has a funny way of doing that. Eminem, perfect example. He's true, he's real and he raps about how he feels. NO BS. That's the way I would like to look at my life, no bs. Honesty, trust, and loyalty. I would like to think people these days have integrity but obviously our world doesn't spin that way. 

FAVORITE QUOTE EVER: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary" & "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.""

I just felt like sharing a little about myself with you guys.

30 Day Challenge

Day 16

Q: Your views on mainstream music.

A: I respect artists in mainstream music. They worked to get where they are, they had a vision and took after it. They love what they do and you can tell. They are people, who can relate to you when no one else can. Think about it! You're in the car and you've had a bad day...P!nk comes on the radio with Raise Your Glass. You're day just got 10x better. You just had a relationship go bad...All American Rejects empowers you by singing Gives You Hell. Gotta love it! So my view= amazing. Respect to them. 

Peace out

<3

Real.

I cried, I love this. This is beautiful, this is love. I never really liked this man, but truth is he's honest. He raps about what's real! 

The over thought and insane process of how I sort out every problem.

http://blog.mindjet.com/wp-images/user_images/Anxiety.jpg

[if you can't read what the picture says]

Ok. Earlier blog than usual...

I just have a lot on my mind.

Does anyone else know that feeling? Like, there are so many thoughts running through your head and can't sort any of them or even know where to start?

I have stepped in a puddle, more like stepped then jumped continuously. Ok, maybe more like mud...while wearing all white? I forgot what i'm trying to say now.

Confused to sad, sad to angry, angry to ok, ok to satisfaction, satisfaction to fine, and fine to closure.

I think what i've decided to do is go with it. There is no use in swimming upstream, it only makes things difficult. 

Lately i've just been battling with myself. My beliefs, my views, who I want to be, who i'm living for, what's really worth worrying about, or focusing on what really needs to keep my focus. See? I'm not playing, it's crazy.

Daniel suggested I do a list...so here it goes. This is honesty.

My school:

-What grades I need to get off academic probation.

-The people I meet, are they really good for me?

-What is popular.

-What if I start falling back in school.

My beliefs:

-I feel like i'm never good enough to have what I have.

-I hear God's voice ALL THE TIME and yet I just don't respond...cause I know it's only conviction. I hate hearing i'm wrong.

-I hold on to my past so tightly, bring it up so often, and make such a key focus in my life...I don't see how anything has changed at all. I don't see why I can't just let go, it's past right?

Myself:

-I start to hate my emotions, the way i'm made to feel and how deeply I feel.

-No matter where I go, I feel like i'll always be stuck at a high school status. Always the geek, always the joke...just no one says it to my face.

-I always think of what I could fix about myself rather than be happy. 

-I HATE how i'm the only one holding myself back and I don't even want to change that...like the only way to make sense of "it is that this current emotion i'm feeling is the only emotion that I can define so i'm gonna go with it".

-Waiting for some kind of closure, but it never comes. Ever. No matter what I do, say, sing, think, block out, shove to the last thought. Cause at the end of the day it will be the last thing I think about. What about this? What about that? 

Who I want to be:

-Successful, and exactly the kind of person that someone would want to be. 

-Someone that's cherished not forgotten.

-Someone who deals with the worst situations.

-Someone who is genuinely happy not just covering it up with a smile.

-Someone soft spoken but loud in what is said.

Who i'm living for:

-Living for the only person who truly matters, not everyone else.

-Living to what you know you want to be, not letting anything hold you back.

See...my point. 

This is my problem...problems.

Anyone have some kind of advice? It's really what I need.

Peace

<3

This is beautiful.

Explanation.

I wish I knew how to read minds...O.O

O-R-E-O. Oh!

Sooo I can explain...I promise. I came home and spent a grand total of 4 hours on my project for my Drawing I class. Then when I was finally finished, I went upstairs and laid down to watch Lord of the Rings with my madre around 10...instantly fell asleep. I'm sorry guys.

Yesterday I got to hang out in the practice room with Laurel at Gordon...she was practicing for school. She played me her piano piece she wrote for class and it was gorgeous! She was telling me it didn't really feel "finished" to her and asked if I wanted to help. I started playing some chords and I swear i've never felt so in sync with music...like everything I was playing was exactly how I was internally feeling [like the feeling you try to cover up from everyone else, and they believe you]. Once she got out of class and I played it for her to see what she thought, she said it was so good she's incorporating into her composition!

Today I got to hang out with a good friend of mine, his name's Payton. I'm helping him design his tattoo...pictures to come but only when i'm finished with the coloring and all. It looks pretty sick actually! Then I got to go over to Daniel's to hang out, always a good time. I really missed seeing his family and him...no lie. They hadn't change, I was hoping they hadn't.

"Analisse Hamilton, will you yo-yo with me?"

"Oh of course!...I've been yo-yo'ed!! :D"

Oh dear. Haha!

30 Day Challenge

Day 14&15

Day 14 Q: Your earliest memory.

A: I was sick, and my mommy stayed up with me all night watching Disney movies. Thinking back now it makes me realize what an amazing mother she was, is, and always will be. <3

Day 15 Q: Your favorite Tumblr.

A: MISS ARI :] 

http://ariiibeme.tumblr.com/

Grey's Anatomy:

Merideth: "What is it with you men always dirtying up everything you say?"

Hot biker: "I don't know... testosterone or something? I'm a guy" 

Night all

<3