Long time, no talk.

I knew I was forgetting something. 

Well, proud to say i'm back. From the looks of it...I enjoyed this. 

ALOT has happened. 

Let's see;

Fell in love, fell out of love.

Discovered parties.

Oh...the hotel party bust.

Discovered being yourself makes you 10x happier than being someone your not.

The jam sessions in the car on the way to school every morning with Laurel.

Birthday party at the skate rink, then back to my house for a movie.

Hehe...the overly ambitious boys.

Went to a club for the first time.

Danced on stage...looked hot ;)

Dated Cody.

Got dumped on Facebook.

Met some awesome friends, lost them later.

Florida with the family.

Practically spent the whole summer with Brandon.

Brandon went to basic, I moved close to my school with a high school friend Caitlin.

Dated the ex's best friend, Mark. (ex set it up)

We broke up for certain reasons.

Learned alot about living on your own...just be prepared all the time.

Discovered my love of dubstep.

Discovered friendship.

Lost friendship.

Discovered you can only trust yourself.

Discovered best friends have the biggest knives of them all.

Discovered myself.

Discovered the simplicity of art <3

Discovered family on the rocks.

Learned that you can't spend Christmas without family; it hurts.

Learned....

ALOT has changed in a year. Don't you agree?

I have enjoyed every experience and memory...never trade it or change it. I wish I would have stuck to the blog. It would have been nice to have it recorded. I'll try this year. I have a feeling it's gonna be one to remember for sure!

You just wait

:)

<3

Sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares.

Sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfil it.

Life is a sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.

- Mother Teresa

So lately it's been hard. I was hoping this whole "sticking to my guns" thing would be easy, you know? It's one LESS thing to worry about. I'm not complaining...but i'm just saying it's difficult. It's knowing something isn't good for you but you still want it. I'm happy, really! But I guess I can't explain it well enough. I don't know if it's the fact that Spring Break is starting next week or not...woot? :D 

I got in a wreck yesterday...OH BOY. It wasn't a big wreck but it kinda looks like the right side of my car hit a concrete wall...yikes? My poor storm trooper!

:[

I don't know. I'm just having a day, you know? 

I will stick to my guns dang it. 

But...every girl wants to feel pretty and loved. I can't say I don't want that, that would be denying me. 

What really gets me past those thoughts is this. 

I know one day some really amazing guy is going to come along. He'll come unexpectedly, he'll be everything I ever wanted. He'll inspire me to be more than anything I ever imagined. He'll take me on the cheesiest dates and give me some crazy off-the-wall gifts just cause he wants to make me laugh. He'll be there when i'm sick or I just want to cry cause my crazy life is bringing me down; and hold me when that moment comes along. He'll be a perfect gentlemen. His imperfections will be what makes him perfect. He'll love me when i'm the most unattractive person in the world that day; but I won't be that to him. 

I don't know WHERE he is, but I know he's only miles (and that could mean any amount of miles) away. How cool is that? 

Cause see, I believe in fairy tales. I'll always believe in fairy tales. BECAUSE I believe every girl deserves a happily ever after.

♥

SO, I've taken an interest in studying dreams! I don't know where this whole inspiration came from, but I don't believe I just started liking it "just because". This book i'm reading called "You're Dreams and What They Mean" by Nerys Dee talks about everything from dreams through the ages to the dictionary of signs and symbols. 

An interesting quote among many, on pages 34-35, is one by Ellen S. Hooper.

"I slept and dreamed that life was beauty,

I woke and found that life was duty.

Was my dream, then, a shadowy lie?

Toil on sad heart, courageously,

And thou shalt find thy dream shall be,

A noonday and truth to thee."

I find dreams intriguing one reason is when we are awake and confused about a situation because we don't know what we want, our brain knows exactly what we want and tells us through different signs and symbols. Our dreams are our own personal jokers, full of riddles and rhymes that we wake up and most of the time forget instantly but it's exactly what we need to hear! Isn't that just incredible?

SO i'm determined to listen to my joker and take it's advice. I'm starting a dream journal and i'm gonna share it with you guys! I'll write down the date and time, dream, and symbols as well as their meanings. It will be amazing to 

see the results!

Ttfn

(Ta Ta for now) 

<3

BTW, my totally awesome photographic art with me as the subject!

I didn't really feel like painting or drawing...I was having one of those kind of days. SO I put together a makeshift studio, came up with an off the wall idea....and presto. It's Ke$ha and Black Swan inspired.
The whole idea of the shoot was hiding behind someone i'm not. I'm not a dark person....see? I don't know. Thought i'd try some different kind of art this time :]

Hehe make shift studio! :3

It's my choice, and I choose to be happy.

I woke this morning and said "I don't need any of you". I told myself I don't need the drama or the whining, the broken promises or half-hearted commitments. I'm done with the games and the boys. And I say boys because only "boys" play games. I am an independent woman with dreams and goals for my life, and I don't need anyone who will slow me down because they need the temporary fix for a broken heart. 

♥

Earlier today I wrote these words and every single one is true. I'm so done. I'm ready to make a final decision on this part of my life. I'm artist...and as such I CANNOT live with a constant depression. It shows in pictures, you see? 

I need happy.

Happy all around and not just because of one thing someone does but because I happy that i'm content with myself and how i'm living! I just want that for ONE MOMENT in my life. And I will find it. I will get that. I'm officially cutting out the one part of my life that always leads me to be depressed. 

It's like a little kid. You burn your hand...you hurt. You try again if you're stupid enough cause you thought the first time was a practical joke. 

Love goes like this. You love, you hurt, you try again. You never fail to see that's you're stupid to try again cause you thought it was a cruel joke the first time. 

We always wish don't we?

Eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles.

We've tried it all. 

Why don't we try making those wishes happen? You notice we wish for stuff that is totally out of our reach?

....then again maybe we should wish like that. 

I'm just saying from a personal point of view...i'm tired of being sad when a guy walks by and doesn't even look. Or you sit next to a cute guy for an hour in an office or at school and they don't even give you the light of day? You've dressed your best, you DID YOUR HAIR. You had to get up early to do that, you know? Plus you attempted the make up...and you're thinking "Come on, notice". 

I don't want to worry.
I don't want to worry about what some guy thinks of my outfit cause quite honestly, i'm in college. I will most likely be in athletic shorts, hat with a ponytail, a camp t-shirt, and flip-flops. I say...if a guy likes me, he will like me for me. JUST me. If they can't see me for a college girl on the track to success so I didn't have time to get dressed up to come to school, then well...they sure as heck don't deserve to see me at my best. 

So...to the boys:

Learn to treat a woman how they ought to be treated. 

Run with them, don't try to run their life.

Don't think of yourselves higher...it's cocky. We don't like cocky.

You're not cool, so don't try.

When a girl REALLY falls for you, why don't not have the decency to catch her!? 

Try, just once, to make things work.

Do what she likes, not what you could "make her like".

Know that we're giving you a chance with our hearts cause there is something about you we find trustworthy...we're not a game. 

So i've said all I have to say...not much really to follow up with :]

"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down."

-Author Unknown

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."  

-Anaïs Nin

Ohhh no. Blog?

I have fallen behind...dang New Years resolutions.

There has been a lot to happen but honestly I can't find myself to put it up in detail, I just can't. 

I feel like i've tried to control things that I can't, therefore I have been let down. For instance, relationships. 

I try to balance or even put up a boundary to how much I like or don't like any person. Something i've learned is that you absolutely CAN NOT control your feelings. 

Some of you may disagree but let me explain...

You can't control your feelings, but you most certain can control what you do with those feelings. 

I put myself in a lot of crap because I didn't know how to control certain feelings. I ran my mouth. I was hurt, so I took it out in anger. No one ever deserves that, you know? 

I like this "new me" and all but honestly I don't understand how I got from one point to the other in such a short amount of time. 

I don't think it's a bad thing actually, I just find it funny how when you put your mind to something how easy it is to do it. Like how I was determined to be honest, i've been very honest. And people respect me more for it...i'm not as quiet and passive as I use to be. I mean I still am in a way, just not ALL the time. But seriously, something i've realized is that it is not that hard to be truthful with someone. Really. 

Something else i've learned to value is friendship. Look at what you have before you write it off. There will be people to do that to you, just think about how it feels before you do the same stupid thing. It hurts doesn't it?

Yeah. I thought so too.

I had a friend from high school, best friend actually, who decided to do that. Ouch? But who needs haters. She got herself a boyfriend so it's not like she needs anyone else, right? Yeah. Just "deleting" people, doesn't make you anymore of a person. Jussss sayin' darlin'. 

But anywhooo.

I have a best friend, Laurel. I don't think there is anyone who has seen every side of me except her. I've cried, laughed, and yelled w/ or at this girl. I jam out in the car with her everyday to and from school to almost anything and everything on the radio. We bust the white girl moves and don't hold back! :P See, now that is a true friend. Never once have a questioned her. Yeah, I may be pissed at her sometimes but i've never once said "i'm done". Because you see when you have a friend like this, they hold the standard for everyone else. 

Peace

<3

Pushed.

Soooo i'm done with 30 day challenge thing if you couldn't tell.

You know what I can't stand? 

DRAMA.

Specifically drama based on the lying.

OH MY GOSH! Can't we just be honest for once?! 

Like honestly, what is so wrong with telling the truth? Someone please tell me? 

It's whatever. Dirt off my shoulder!

All I got to say is that i've said my piece to each of them and I don't take it back. I'm not gonna mention it on here cause I clearly have respect. 

That is ALL I have to say for the night.

<3

"So that's what you call it these days?"

I'm back! I know that's not much of an explanation but that's all that matters. 

I've lived and learned. I fell, picked myself back up, and kept going. Why? Because I believe LIFE GOES ON. We all make mistakes, and those mistakes help us learn. 

 So today was Valentines Day..."singles awareness"/"unnecessary abuse of singles"...whateverrrrr you'd like to call it. I'm sticking to Valentines Day. I had myself a hot Valentines date. I was IMPRESSED. I mean, for real! You think you know a person and all the sudden, they just shock you in the best way possible. Gotta love it! So, overall thought of my VERY FIRST Valentines Day with someone= everything I didn't expect [but in a good way]. Ahhh <3

PS: Laurel, you've still got to tell me about you know what. You're so sharing tomorrow, just saying. 

I can't say that right now i'm upset about anything in my life. I'm in school and really working hard, have some of the most supportive and honest friends ever, i'm finally independent, i'm doing what I love with my God given talent, and i'm happy. Like honestly, I know the whole "be careful when your back is turned" phrase is making it's appearance but I don't think it's nothing I can't handle if something happens you know?

This song btw has been stuck in my head!

That boy can sing and he's fine...woah.

Really, that's all. I would elaborate on my absence but honestly it's past. Nothing to harp on.

Night all

<3

" You may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. " 
- Bob Marley

Drawing can be boring...

I neverrrr thought that a picture would take SO DANG LONG! I have been working on this picture for 7 and a half hours every night this week and i'm not even half way done. But DANG it's gonna look ah-mazing, i'm just saying :]

So in my world at the moment, i'm so content and happy! I'm happy with myself, my school, and my friends. I feel like I have inspiration again! I'm drawing like I use to if not better, it's a nice feeling...especially since I haven't been able to think of any ideas in forever! I am going a bit crazy though...my camera is still sent away and i'm quite saddened. I miss it terribly. 

One more think then the 30 day whatnot. I just want to say thank you for those who haven't judged me. I know there will be people who will, but for those who don't you honestly hold a special place in my heart. I love you all.

30 Day Challenge

Day 19&20

Day 19 Q: Disrespecting your parents.

A: Just one thing about this: No matter how much you fuss and bitch at your parents for taking away your "freedom", the more you realize it's for your own good. Disrespecting them won't make them respect you anymore than they already do. The key is to give them a reason to trust and respect you, and you might just be surprised. Trust me. Been there and I know how it goes.

Day 20 Q: How important you think education is.

A: I believe that without education, there is no job. With diploma of some sort, the likelihood of you succeeding in life is slim to none. I take it seriously and try my hardest. It may be tough, yes, but I know that I am working towards a stepping stone for my life.

That's all!

Sorry for all the short blogs lately, it's just been busy!

<3